valentines day

***WARNING: RAMBLING AHEAD***

My emotions ran on high today.

This afternoon my family buried one of the first men I ever loved, my grandpa. I'm sad and happy at the same time.

I'm sad for obvious reasons. I loved him more than life and I hate the thought of never seeing or talking to him again. I'd give anything to see him laugh or smile just one more time. It hurts like hell but losing anyone you love does.

I'm happy because I was lucky enough to know him. He brought joy to me and everyone else he knew. He loved making people laugh. I can't think of a single memory of my grandpa that was bad. He brought me so much happiness and love. There won't be a single day that I won't miss him.

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Generally I'm never sad on Valentines Day. Today was different because I felt alone. Death always has that effect on me. It always seems like the rest of the room pulls away and then I'm standing outside looking in.

Feeling alone has nothing to do with being single. I love being single and definitely believe there is a difference between being single and alone. I refuse to allow corporate America make me feel bad because I'm single.

Don't get me wrong, I have no opposition to relationships. Just because I'm not in a relationship doesn't mean I will condemn them as a whole. I don't need to be with someone to be happy. In fact, I love the idea getting married and having kids. However, I'm not going to get depressed because I'm not married or in a relationship at this point in life.

For me, Valentines Day isn't about that "special someone", it's about everyone you love. It isn't about spending a gazillion dollars on a gift. It isn't about feeling bad about yourself because you're single. It's about taking the time to say "I love you" to all of the people you care about.