I just killed a curly fry

Here's something else I find necessary to add.

TAKE THE FIRST LETTER OF YOUR FIRST NAME...
A=I'D LOVE TO LICK
B=I ATE
C=I DUMPED MY BOYFRIEND FOR
D=I HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND WITH
E=I MILKED
F=I SAT ON
G=I SAW
H=I'M IN LOVE WITH
I=IN MY ROOM I FOUND
J=I PUSHED
K=I GOT IN A FIGHT WITH
L=I MURDERED
M=I RAPED
N=I DEEP-FRIED
O=IN MY FREEZER, I FOUND
P=I MOLESTED
Q=I TALKED ON THE PHONE TO
R=I CHEATED ON MY LOVER WITH
S=I'M MOVING IN WITH
T=I JUST KILLED
U=I KICKED AND KILLED
V=I SKINNED ALIVE
W=I GAVE MY NUMBER TO
X=I MARINATED
Y=I BABYSAT
Z=I TRADED MY MOM FOR

NOW TAKE THE THIRD LETTER OF YOUR LAST NAME...
A=A HIPPOPOTAMUS
B=A CURLY FRY
C=A BLOCK OF CHEESE
D=AN ERASER
E=A GAY HOBO
F=YOUR MOM
G=AN EMPTY TACOBELL CUP
H=A GREASY PAPER PLATE
I=A SPORK
J=A MELTED ORANGE CRAYON
K=GEORGE WASHINGTON
L=A PEICE OF CHEWED GUM
M=A SEA URCHIN
N=A PAIR OF GRANNY PANTIES
O=ORANGE JUICE
P=YOUR BRA
Q=A BIRD
R=A STOP SIGN
S=A DUSTPAN
T=A RANDOM GUY
U=A RANDOM GIRL
V=A YELLOW PAPERCLIP
W=A PAIR OF SNEAKERS
X=A TURKEY
Y=A NAKED OLD LADY
Z=A JELLYBEAN

Combine.

What's your new name??